ARE WE MUMS OR ARE WE CHILDLESS

With apologies to The Killers re: title. Will they mind? Hardly think so...

Anyway, in our new garden in South Holland, Lincolnshire. It's taking. awhile to grow but it's so much easier than the last garden. Fortunately there's a squirrel that scouts the back fence on a regular basis so Lilley can have her squirrel stand-off. Little minds an' all!

I’ve enjoyed watching the Paris Olympics.  It’s great when your country is doing well on the medals table whilst marvelling at the commitment and athleticism of the international sportsmen and women taking part. 

However ( you knew it was coming) I got  proper ‘mad up’ at some of the events especially the rowing coverage and following narrative. Our GB women rowers had excelled and won gold.  And suddenly the entire conversation became mummy and children talk. Even mummies win gold medals, people. The female interviewer got involved with ‘women having kids and winning medals’ talk.  Famous husband of rower Helen Glover, Steve Backshall, had his kids cheering on their mum and his wife which is fair enough, but it seemed to be  ‘for mums’ club.  She was also announced on BBC as ‘Mum’ and ‘Supermum of three’. Extra points if you’re a mum, d’you see? (Subtract if you’re not?)  Does anyone say ‘and she has no children. Isn’t that marvellous?’  Magnificent USA super gymnast Simone Biles and hubby have no children. Not our bother to know but - by gum if they had offspring - you can be sure we’d be told. 

Anyway, the GB women, winning rowers team are all in the studio now, as I speak, and I can’t take anymore Mum bathing.  Yep. The kid talk - still going.  And still going…

Here we were having a sit in local Carters Park, South Holland, Lincolnshire. A rather lovely and peaceful place except dogs can't go off lead. So we have to visit wilder vacations for her gallops.

Meanwhile, over on BBC1 News, presenter Sophie Raworth declared ‘and they’re all mothers’ after the Team GB women’s medal win. A medal win is amazing. A medal win as a mother is somewhere off the scale.  Bored now…

We’re being outrun folks. We’re being blanked. Something’s happening. 

There was talk there's going to be a 'Mum's Day' at the Olympics! This can't be true?

Much as I love her, former gold medal swimmer Becky Adlington, as a BBC commentator, locks onto any mention of a contestant’s family or ‘a mother’ sitting in the audience. Like a teary limpet. 

Because she’s a Mother too!

Taking a nap in our new garden. Surprising how quickly one can get quite exhausted as one ages. About everything. I'm lucky in that my dog loves to snooze also. She really does. Suits me, Sir

Top points for managing to have kids. 

Forget those of us who longed to be part of the gang but apparently couldn’t be.  Some (particularly younger folk/couples) this talk can hurt them immeasurably.  It was isolating and I, who should be well used to it by now, felt exactly that - isolated - sitting at home just me and her on the sofa.  Childless. OK, let's do the bit where I'm lucky to be sitting at home on my sofa in comfort blah, blah...

In that sense I am lucky, but as for family and children - not so much. But I count my blessings as I'm sure we all do. You can't not do the 'what if?' though, can you? As one ages one has to learn a whole shelf of new emotional and psychological skill sets. Add childless to the mix and you hit the proverbial. I call it the 'off button'. Learn the art of pressing the 'off' button when the family talk takes over.

Let's think about all the various groups, lists of aggrieved (but acknowledged) sets of all subject matter. Acknowledged. I thought about this - suppose they could ask us 'how's your dog/cat/budgie/rabbit?' It wouldn't work, to be honest. In fact it'd make you look and feel worse, like the maiden auntie from an Agatha Christie novel. Folk ask about Lilley, naturally. Or 'whatsername' as she's also known. Will that do? I guess it will. See - how I've given in and given up? Was that a song by M People? Movin' on Up, you silly old fool!

Is it at all possible that we don’t mention a woman’s birthing abilities? At all? Otherwise, I’ll say this, it’s becoming very discriminatory.  Mums and Dads love their family, naturally. I love my dog but I wouldn't expect Claire Balding (BBC presenter) to be asking after her. Should I ever be sat on the sofa with Ms Balding. It is the same thing, before anyone pipes up. Because I love my dog as much as any parent loves their kids. So...?

By gum I got mad today at the tele...

One of our old haunts. To be honest I just thought - Lilley is facing the camera, for once.

See, I don’t really know what the answer is here. No one should have to, nor need to, tread delicately round we tender withouters. That’d be silly harrumph, harrumph!  

Neither should we be forgotten as ‘of no matter’. And I guess I’m referring to ‘emotional, barren feelings,’ here, so one would assume one is talking about those of us who desperately wanted children but were unable to conceive or carry for whatever reason.  We have to look happy and pleased for parents, families don’t we? And we are pleased for them, genuinely.  But, oh I don’t know, it’s becoming acceptable for us and we’re accepting of it.  It’s not a fight or a match.  I just don’t like how we’re never thought about. It is a very sensitive subject, I’ll give you that.  Get maudlin and you’ve lost the crowd.  Be Jennifer Anniston about it?  She cracks it doesn’t she?  Sidewind ‘em with a couple of blinding sentences and take the room.  Trouble is I’m pretty sure I’m ‘not Jennifer Anniston’ last time I looked in the mirror.  Just drop a couple of sparky sentences. I do think the oft times response of ‘I never thought of that’ isn't good enough as a comeback response from parenthood. Maybe we shouldn't say 'it's OK'  when we've been insultingly left out. It’s not. 

But, you know, my feelings are mighty old, nowadays . From more years back than some of your ages, probably.  But when I hear, what I call, ‘dismissive’ talk I don’t half get cross. 

What’s happened here is we’ve all got used to it. Shoving our feelings in a drawer so ‘they, the conceivers’ can carry on as per.  

It’s a precarious balancing act. Trying to get the childless message out there without appearing mawkish. 

It's a precarious balancing act hanging on to her. If she doesn't want to go an' all. Another park near our abode. Dogs on leads. We don't do leads, do we Lil?

I think what most of us are saying is - we don’t have children. We wanted children but, for whatever reason, it didn’t happen. Yes, there may be terrifying worldwide issues surrounding our little planet at present but it doesn’t stop human biological needs and wants. Having children being a strong contender for the latter.  Please respect our feelings because this is no lightweight subject. You out there, as parents, try to imagine not having children. But lucky you - you have - got them.  Please be more considerate with your language and your emoting. We, childless, understand your joy. We, childless, wouldn’t ever want to stem it. But a sports programme, Olympics or otherwise, is not a promotional outlet for your kids.  Tell them when you see/speak to ‘em.  In private. It’s not a bloody boast.  It’s a gift. And one we were unlucky enough to be out on, that day of gifting. 

Shouting about, promoting, showing off your kids is no different to the bloke next door parking his top of the range Mercedes outside his front door every night (bit risky imho but heigh ho).  Put it in the garage, mate.  Those with our second hand Fiestas don’t want to see it.  We feel inadequate. 

Maybe a bit different but you get the gist. It makes us feel second best.  Deep down. Sometimes. 

Giving birth is a gift that not all of us receive.  You were lucky, we weren’t. That’s it. I’m done…

Yes but/No but - one more thing - today (Sunday )is officially‘Mum’s Day’ at the Olympics according to the BBC.  

I have no words. An exclusive club, it seems. 

Non partisan - anybody? 

The little park at the top of our lane. Her favourite as she can go off lead and lead she does. We meander through the park and the top gate leads to the very beautiful church. We have a sit and usually a natter as folk like to stop. I tell you people - this is my life now - don't knock it! One day I will reveal all about 'our life' and you will be vairy, vairy surprised.

……………….

I read today in one of the online papers that the UK is very low on new births.  In other words we really will end up a nation of oldies.  See, God, when you didn't let us have kids?  We're going to 'die out' as a breed.  

Some would say that might not be a bad idea, at present times!

Anyway - might as well blame somebody!

Lilley being a bit of a tart with her new friend Marley the handsome Lab whilst Marley's housemate (who really does 'like' Lilley) turns his back. During her gallops round yet another little park in the neighbourhood.