CHILDLESS AND AGEING - COME GATHER

Hats off to the sculpture in the background. We felt like a bit of 'Yee Haa!" that afternoon as we strolled along The Spa Trail, Woodhall Spa, Lincolnshire. I might make wearing cowboy hats my 'new look'. I rather like it. That white lump is her, by the way.

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We’ve been remiss; missing in action; back-not back-back again.  There are reasons which I don’t want to go into just now. Maybe sometime. I did a podcast with young Freddie Cocker to place on my social media but I can’t seem to control the controls. I’ve been a tad dim in the past with tech stuff but never this dim! 

So, anyway, what the what and here we are. Me and her.  Like dumplings left out the stew saucepan.  Clogging about totally clueless. Headless chickens attempting a run up into the hot and heady world of being childless.  

Talking of which, I’ve been following the fantastic Storyhouse Childless events in Chester recently, online. All of the marvellous speakers. ‘My flabber has never been so ghasted Madam!’  (I’m doing Ken Dodd, late, great British comedian for those under 60s’ amongst you). Brilliant stuff. 

This was a mighty hot, sunny afternoon along the River Lud, near Louth, Lincolnshire. Sometimes I have to pick her up as she refuses to pose for her photo shots. A very mardy, tardy model!

Any road up  - back in the room - and where the blithering heck have we been?  I think the answer to that could be ‘if I told you I’d have to kill you’. And you think I’m joking?  See, Lil and I tread a strange and eerie path.  Makes us good and ready for action. No - we really are! In fact, experienced in the art of 'old person espionage', I’d say. 

So, go your own way (Fleetwood Mac - you're welcome) and trust your instincts in this world. Not a follower be! Apart from attaching yourself to this blog, obviously. Follow us for heck's sakes. We need you, lovelies, we really do.

Anyway - look here - being childless is not the end of your life. Most of you seem to be living your best. You know - you absolutely know - there are way worse things than being childless. It’s devastating we all agree on that. For sure, I got angry with it, after years of never giving it another thought, during covid. Because no one gave me another thought as a childless person.  Which I took massive issue with and still do. But I have to drop it and move on. I fret that no one (apart from us lot in the big world) is ever going to ask/acknowledge my childless state. Doesn’t mean they always ignore me. To be honest, a lot of the time they do.  I find they acknowledge my ‘alone’ status and particularly my ageing alone status. Quite right.  But childless?  Not necessarily in their conversation going forward.  Until I bring the subject matter up. Oh, my dear...kills the chat, right there. But why? Normalising is the word. Drop 'childless' into the narrative and see what happens. Do not panda to their 'fear' of the word. Do not....

My theory is the good and great out there consider us all to be 'childfree'. Let's 'em off the hook and so they can just carry on. I've said it before - the childfree are good and dandy but they ain't us. Childless. Read on for further narrative....

Today - young people are deciding to not have kids. I have my own thoughts on that one, too, but not now. Doesn't help, though. Not for we childless, it doesn't. Being childless as a choice is not being childless. No, honestly, we must have 'them' out there knowing about us and opening up conversation. Because it's OK to do that. But not just with the 'young people'. Try we elders...if we're allowed to live much after eighty with the current UK government. I'm worried I might be 'eliminated' if I live too long.

In today's The Spectator online there was a lengthy piece about many of this country's (and others) young people making an early decision to not have children. How the population is going to be affected i.e. a country of ageing folk with not enough young to 'support' us. (I go back to our current government's trend to nudge we oldies towards earlier death via assisted dying and taking away many of our allowances so we pop our clogs as we freeze to death under layers of moth eaten blankets due to no heating). I digress - many reasons are given for being childfree amongst today's young - affordability being the main one. What on earth makes today's youth think most of we oldies were 'well off' way back in the day? I get on my very high horse if I spend time responding so I won't. Truth is I don't think many of them really know. What about fear? Of pregnancy, of giving birth and of growing - up as you take responsibility for a tiny baby? That's OK isn't it? To be fearful. Am I the only one who wonders if they might regret that decision in later years? 'We/I will adopt'. Mmmm - because that's easy isn't it? Do we need to give them a talking to? We can't be a country (your countries those of you across the waters) of just old people.

We all know how we feel as we've aged and being childless settles in. Ignored to be honest. And another thing - having to gird one's loins as you tug on your 'big girl/boy' pants when attending or simply walking where families/kids are rife. And there you are - older person alone, with little dog alert. Hiking your shoulders back as you get brave and walk amongst them. Telling yourself you're darned lucky not to have 'em! I mean - listen to the racket. But you don't really think that. You so often wish it was you or had been you - playing with or watching your kids play. In the park where you walk - alone with little dog.

So, we live on and we speak up. We can do so much as we age. Try us out governments of the world.. Most of us ain't done living yet and we - well- just ain't done. OK? Childless is as childless does. All through your childless life. We speak up...

It's not to be ashamed of. So many folk are. Please don't be....there is so much support out here. We want said support out 'there'. That's what we want...

Somewhere near Bardney Abbey, Lincs. I must just say folks do not realise how beautiful the county of Lincolnshire is. Untouched, uninhabited but alluring with its mystique. The Wolds and the Fenland. You should come visit!

But for us? To go back to the start (who sang that?) we never forget who/what we are. We never forget (I’m doing Take That. So sorry. ‘Don’t stop me now’ Bugger! ‘Whoops! I’ve done it again’. Oh FFS!) we matter and are as important as any mother/family you can shake a stick at. We never forget.  But it doesn’t define each unique one of us, does it?  We are united and yet you are YOU.   It’s clear there is a fabulous childless community out there that I’m part of but I’m not sure if I don’t look in from the outside. Somehow.  My bag. I own it. Don’t judge me!  It feels like it’s only ever going to be justmeandlilley.  Because…

'You're odd!' We are not odd! Are we? Lilley is a bit odd but me? Maybe. Anyway, moving on...

We’ll be there. Looking in, checking out but always floating about like the ghost of Rebecca. 

Reliable we ain’t. I’ll give you that.  We’re pretty shite at doing the right thing or simply turning up. 

I’ve spent most of a long lifetime being childless, you see?  Apart from relationships - a lot of alone. Even when you’re in a crowd, you’re solitary.  

Me and her- we don’t do too many gatherings. Not anymore. We don’t do joined at the hip relationships. We don’t do much at all to be honest.  Aimless pair of hobos that we be.  

Yet, as I look starstruck at the photos of the Storyhouse theatre/show I figured what a spectacular experience.  But I won’t ever be there.  My crowd aversion plus a wavering attention span is my current indulgence.  Sod it, I’m just too darned old and selfish. I guess in a long life I’m kind of done with crowds, ‘do’s’,  socialising.  Have had several lifetimes of some of the best socialisings’ I could shake a stick at and so, kind of over it. Me and dog with my colour book memories.  They’ll do for me, Madam! 

I've had my rock ‘n roll moments and you can’t go on livin’ em’ can you? Not at my great age. I wouldn’t survive it second time round. And anyway I’m boring now.  Who’d want me? 

A park near the market town of Horncastle, Lincs. She absolutely refused to pose and so we didn't 'speak' for the rest of the afternoon. How it goes, sometimes....

But let me say this - we olders-  didn’t half live life.  And - in many ways - maybe easier to do when you’re childless. Through the 60s to the early 2000s.  Work hard, play hard and all that razzmatazz.  It’s since I hit my age of mid 60s’ my social life took a downward slither. And I went back to the start as serious stuff went down in my life. Nothing I did/done, apart from breathing.  Yep - James Bond - still here.

As the years slid by so did stranger and stranger.  So when childlessness reared its head again as my social life paled I found the unity of the subject matter comforting. But let me say, it doesn’t define us. Otherwise I’ll assume I’m felt sorry for and I won’t like it.  How to say 'I am childless' and make it a smooth narrative? I keep trying it out. 'Oh, yeah, by the way - did I not say? I'm childless...' And they say 'really? How does that work out for you?' In my dreams but you get the gist. I'll keep working on it and keep you posted.

One snowy day somewhere in The Wragby Woods. To be honest, this is a pose we use often. Her sat/ me sat and a quick manoevre with the iphone. (Not saying it's deliberate or anything but hoping for a shout out to Burberry?) Good try....

And yet, as I age alone, now in my 70s, with a little white dog,  I’m aware of our funny, old image and status out there in the tiny world that just me and her inhabit. I’m aware of a lot of things.  Have I said too much? Not said enough? I’m quoting bloody R.E.M  now! What is the matter with me? 

Listen, Lilley and I are mere passing ships. On a clear, moonlit night we might rock up like a watered down, East Midlands version of the Woman in Black. Spooky and weird.  But you’ll be alright. We are tame and housetrained. Can’t always promise to stick to the party line but heigh ho. Over half a century of being childless can make one a fighting Flora/Fred or a weary Wendy/Walter.  It truly does…

Justmeandlilley will hopefully be around for a while yet which sounds a bit like a danger warning.  But childlessness, although my schtick, is becoming my sometime shadow.   I’m old and I’m alone. That’s what should concern YOU - many in the same boat but still young enough  to prepare for ageing, childlessness. Did I? Probably not but my life has not been remotely normal.  Nothing to do with me by the way.  Honest guv!  What I will say and ‘I ‘vil zey zis  only vonce ‘ ( from 'Allo Allo' - old British comedy, therefore, trigger warning, very politically incorrect but very funny. Look up) just question stuff OK?  We childless talk it from our personal positions. None of us have all the answers. Some of us have some of ‘em but it’s not a finite emotional journey, is it?  For me it’s marvellous that childlessness has achieved such a terrific, public platform.  Great folk have pushed the boundaries and taken it forward into public narrative.  I hope you’ll allow a couple of old’uns to dip in and out occasionally. Well…one old’un and one skew-wiff challenged young’un.  

We love you all and think you’re all amazing. Thank you for letting us in . 

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So I said to Lilley: 

‘If I could dig down deep in my heart

Feelings would flood on the page

Would it satisfy ya, would it slide on by ya

Would ya think the boy’s (girl's 😰) insane?

He's insane

‘Cos i know it’s only rock ‘n roll but I like it. 

I said - I  know it’s only rock ‘n roll but I like it, like it - yes I do’. 

I certainly do. 

The Rolling Stones, Madam. Still rollin’ and definitely rockin’.  Seen ‘em twice live on stage. Decades ago.  

Aah well …. sinks back into memory heaven.  Rather comforting sometimes I find.  Am I ‘dwelling’?  Expect I am….

Me and Teddy and I've still got him. He's a tad threadbare but aren't we all at his age? And I'm his age. At my first home in Leicester. Do you think it's maudlin to wallow in memories? I find myself doing more of it as I age. It's comforting, you know? Especially for an ageing, childless old fool like what I am. There we are....

Me here! The Lilley ....I reckon it's all a bit of a larf! I am larfing, by the way. Also exhausted from posing from 'my servant's' demands. It's almost like working for a living!

See ya! Love you all! xxx

We'll be back soon 😘