In our little office overlooking our garden and the 'once upon a time' trees/woodland in the background. Now an empty space devoid of green space - lots of squirrels had to move house, let's put it that way! (Don't start, Trish!)
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Are you sitting comfortably? Then we will begin....
I’ve gone missing again. Probably no one noticed?
Yes, I am asking, by the way.
Why? Because I am old and crotchety. Some say bone idle but I won’t have it. I’m at that point in life where you feel like you could still be a young’un but the creaking joints go 'don't think so, mate'. Without my joints’ cooperation I’m at a standstill, to be honest. If the dog gets ‘a play’ on the back lawn she’s grateful. Gone are the ‘hiking across rough terrain’ days. So we go home and she performs her tricks instead. She’s learning so many tricky ups and downs her little legs are getting muscley. But - you know - she's anybody's for a bit of sugar.
An aside: You are getting a two for one deal today. Two pieces for one, I said. I’m too good to you...
This piece may or may not resonate. This piece may not be of interest and I’m telling you now - shape up and take note. Given our subject matter of childlessness, often no relatives, it should. It’s not pretty and it’s not ‘naice’ but it is relevant. This current Bill is of interest to all of us - particularly if ageing, certainly without children, but it will and can affect every one of us.
And it is the recent UK parliamentary discussion (I say ‘discussion) which passed its second reading November '24. Presented to the House by MP Kim Leadbeater. To any ASD watchers out there - did it not seem like it was pushed through without much ‘deep dive’ debate as a Private Members Bill? It feels too rushed in mine (and most others with a stake in the game) opinions. By an inept government at best. UK here, for I’m talking UK. As I say, Canadian residents should have something to say on the matter? However, after the Report Stage the Bill will be examined, reviewed again and ultimately, progress to the House of Lords and finally it will go for Royal Assent. Basically, if it passes both the Commons and the Lords, it will become an Act of Parliament. I think we know it will.
Surely, a well-led, robust review, taking its time and without haste, involving those on both sides of the argument, could have addressed the whole range of issues that MPs have been trying to navigate. How will this affect the NHS? It’s not certain if it’s fully addressed the concerns around coercion and the worries of disabled people. Mental health sufferers? Indeed, the worries of folk like many of us lot, for who will speak for us? And do we fully trust them? It appears to be a Bill which has passed its stages rather quickly - for Members’ discussion. And for such an important topic.
(By Members I refer to the UK Members of Parliament sitting in the parliamentary House).
The Assisted Dying Bill, or Terminally Ill Adults (End of Life) which has been under Kim Leadbeater MP's authority about which many of us wish to emphasise the fact that a well informed decision on assisted dying is not for hurrying.
Let’s not forget the concerns of people re: coercion. Folk ageing and elderly like me, disabled, and those who suffer with mental disabilities.
It just felt or feels too rushed and needed wider debate across Parliament.
We are told it’s still under said ‘debate’. So thats all good. Ahem…
Earlier in the year in a lovely little Doggy Park near Sutterton. A tad muddy at present, as is everywhere, but we will be back so she can run her tidgy little legs off round the fields.
Anyway, you can’t help but feel at some point in our, very near, Dystopian future The Bill will be passed and be in law and it will feel wrong to many of us. Mainly those, like myself, who most definitely have skin in the game. You can have as many clauses as you like stating the whys and wherefores of what should/shouldn’t be admitted as a contender for assisted dying. At that moment in time. By specialists, consultants et al. A panel of ‘experts’ deciding your fate. There appears to be some debate as to who those experts will be. But we all know (and we do) that as this future ‘passed’ Bill disappears into ‘no interest/been there/done’ land, illegalities - sorry - ‘mistakes’ will happen and grateful families won’t say a word as relative flutters eyelashes for the last time. Coercion is a worry as are certain ‘bad apples’ in public health.
Ideal worlds don’t exist. Ideal public health systems don’t exist. There is the occasional chance of it being abused albeit for so-called altruism’s sake. Let’s not kid ourselves the state (any colour stripe) loves we elderlies. Not. We’re a ‘drain’ apparently. I’ll try not to delve into ‘what we paid into the system’ over many decades. We did, though. I know I flippin’ did! You get the gist.
And, we’re all familiar with this old chestnut - who is going to speak for me or some of you? When it’s my/your turn to take a walk past (hopefully!) Heaven’s gates. Maybe it really isn’t ‘your’ turn to enter in? Call me an old cynic but not all folk or Health services, are kind or altruistic like those groups are supposed to be. Most of its employees are but many are not. Many will have taken on board your government’s leaning for Assisted Dying. With its seemingly shaky boundaries. Depopulation in our country is not a myth.
And here we are - ageing without children. Some of us totally alone without family. Terrified to get ill or, God forbid, be hospitalised. There has to be more of a support group for us - surely? In this situation. But locally…
‘Government says!’ So we stand in line.
And anyone naive enough to think any government cares sufficiently about its elderly, alone folk are to be envied. For their dear, clear souls. Bless you!
We are sat at our office desk. Wondering what to write because my head space is absolutely full. No room at the Inn! After a brief mutter one of us attempts to begin. Away we go - flying now!
Look, Assisted Dying is for terminally ill patients who are clearly at the end of their lives and want to be allowed to pass peacefully and without any more suffering. No one would deny anyone that decision, surely? I doubt it. Said patients will (one hopes) have been assessed by several professional, senior medics and given a short time to live. Now that is as much as I know. One could bleat on about a patient suddenly resurrecting like Jesus and barely seconds away from the lethal jab. It may be rare but surely one is enough to halt the Bill? For more discussion? Safety guards?
Desperate souls with severe mental health problems have opted for AD in Canada and it’s been allowed. But what if that patient, after further treatment, recovered sufficiently to want to live? That’s happened in this country (not the AD bit) but folk desperate for death. Then, with further treatment, have improved.
So, it appears many get on board with it. Including from our groups. And I respect your viewpoint but by gum - I don’t get it.
For me it’s a dangerous path we tread. A panel of 'experts' will end up being - what exactly? And they will be inundated, I imagine. More 'drawing board' discussion in my very humble opinion. Hopefully with very tight regulations and serious repercussions should the Bill ever be abused. (More paperwork!)
And, by the way, who will speak for me? A childless, old person. Who will care enough? If I'm mercilessly popped off who will fight my corner? OK I'll be dead but not the point, is it?
Be careful what you wish for. All I’m saying…
***I understand Kim Leadbetter MP is reviewing her Assisted Dying Bill’. Not certain so don’t quote me on that one.
A chosen ‘panel’ will decide your fate should you end up in front of them. Hopefully experienced MPs and medical high-ups with a solid background in debate and medicine. Plus legal representation by a High Court Judge. So, a panel.
Oh, I don’t know - why not have passing pedestrians out shopping for the day? Or backbenchers, maybe?
I just don’t like it.
To tell truth I’ve never felt so vulnerable. I’m now officially old at 76, this year, and of no use to anyone. I went on X and said I want to start a business again - at my age. And so many X folk told me to do it, Goddammit! What’s age got to do with it, do with it …(I’m ’doing ‘ Tina Turner). Maybe I will 🤔
I’m done. See you folks. Keep the old fires burning won’t you? Mine is a dumbo for going out but its spark resurrects. Eventually 😉
And as the old saying goes - don’t let the bu**ers get you down!
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Lucky you - a two for one deal. And we’re off…
BACK OF THE CHILDLESS NET!
One of our many rest and walk afternoons. That time when you look out over the green (ish) fields and meditate. Think. Contemplate. Whatever you do....
Lilley and I have been fighting. Just little Lil and biggish me. At our ages - fighting neighbours, county councils (civil bloody service eh? And there I go again). My dad always used to say (nope, better not - libel). Then there’s always the NHS (you have ‘em if you think it’s so darned great) in fact, any daft sod who gets in my eyeline. It’s deliberate, of course. All of this ‘upset’. Noise campaigns. ‘Mistakes’. Ignoring you whilst they work out their next move.
Who you fool?
Them, just them…
Deliberate.
And no, I am not psychotic. I’ll let you know when I am.
Let me be serious. You didn’t really think stuff just ‘happens’? Did you?
Look, there’s a lot you don’t know about me. I’m going to be honest - there’s a lot I don’t/didn’t know about me but by gum I’m finding the bejaysus out pretty damn quick! We go about our lives, tripping through the old metaphorical tulips - sad, happy, angry, not so sharp in health. Ageing (one hopes) and without a thought to the world of shadows that exists mainly Underground. Leaving that sort of thing to them what ‘know when you know’ twaddle, taps nose, winks, pulls hat further down over eyes. Disappears into the dark night and Ian Fleming lives! In my house…
We'd had a row. She tries to make up by going dewy eyed and pushing the back of my head. As you do.....
‘What the fuck is she on about Beryl?’
‘No idea Brian but it’s like that Cyril Bond!’
‘Who the bloody hell is Cyril Bond when he’s at home?’
‘You can’t say ‘he’ anymore Brian. The police will come round and incinerate you.’
‘You talkin’ about - James. It’s James!’
‘I don’t know ‘im- do I? You mean the new’un at No 32?’
‘That’s a woman you clart.’
‘You can’t say ‘woman’ anymore Brian you’ll get put away.’
‘Oh for Gawd’s sakes. Wha' chu on about? I’m off to The Dog and Bitch for me pint of dark beigy with a hint of pink, ale.’
So, back in the room and what’s that got to do with us lot? Technically I don’t know except to say - we can be vulnerable. To piffle like the above, for instance.
When I say vulnerable I mean open to indiscriminate abuse - in all of its forms.
Let’s take - ooh, I don’t know - me. All of this time we’ve been posting, grinning at the camera, holding forth on forums - we’re being (let’s call it) monitored. Maybe we all are. And yes - just ignore it even if it is so. After all - why little old you or me, eh? We can be vulnerable, being on our own as many of us are, without kids, (in my case) without family, ageing. We can cope because we don’t care - right?
But we do care. I care. About me, her - what will happen to us. I'm not sure anyone else does because there is no one else. Will we be sitting in an old folks’ home? My mind has been training itself to the possibility. After all time, age, fading health creeps nearer and nearer.
So, up to a point I must align with that. For now. Reluctantly.
Oh ffs old woman - where the hell are you going with this twaffle? To this - we are vulnerable. Like it, lump it, believe it or don’t ( and it could depend on where you live be it country, State, county in GB case, local council).
We’re vulnerable because we are the status we didn’t particularly want. Childless and ageing. And I’ve been thinking why are WE childless? You must have sat in a darkened room of a night and thought ‘why me?’ Have you not? Well go away and think it now for the sake of my piece.
No introduction needed.
Why me? There, I said it again. I don’t fully buy into this ‘unfortunate’, ‘biology’, ‘one of those things’, trope. I look at us - online - and we are some fine, upstanding folk, by gum. The sort of folk who should’ve been first in line for birthing several kiddies.
Sorry if that upsets some of you (well, not really. If you’re easily upset don’t read my shite. Said it…)
Do you agree? Look at us. We are something else (well, most of us. There’s always one or three that miss the line up but you can’t have everything). Why, why and why?
Sometimes I can’t get over how amazing most of ‘our people’ are. I’d get silly in their actual presence.
We needed such folk to have our kids. I don’t in any way suggest that whoever did have them is inferior to most of us. We...eell there was just the once or thrice but - the world missed out right? Seriously - I look at all the gobsmacking men and women from our groups out there and - just why?
So that’s what I’ve been wondering. And then I shook my fist and went - ‘ silly billy God. You didn’t half miss out!’ See? Merely one lunchtime and now this …
I fear it might be because I don’t like a lot of today’s kids very much and figured you lot and also me could’ve produced so much better. There I did it again, sang Britney. Good.
Anyway, when all the above thingies get to me I’ve learned to switch off. So being childless can be numbed into submission. Sure it can. Because if it’s not numbed we’re out there like walking, wailing creatures of the night and nobody wants that.
“Skilled in adapting these laments to the particular needs of the current situation.”
Our needs are clamped down into the depths of our silent despair. After all, who wants to ‘hear our story’ apart from us?
And therein lies the issue. Still our childlessness lurks quietly and so darned well-behaved in the depths of darkness.
Let it be naughty and shout a lot. Like others do. Shout a lot.
I imagine us all doing a march through London like the Mr T Robinson crowd. All 200,000 of ‘em first time round. What d’you reckon we’d get? 2,000 if we’re lucky?
Calm down I didn’t say support him.
(For non Brits I can only suggest you look him up. I really don’t want any hassle so I’ll step away from the page).
Oh my, oh my. Feels like I’m sitting on a knife edge of pushing the boundaries of silly, old bugger and mouthy, shouty ‘wrong colour political stripe’ you idiot.
Whatever colour stripe one supports shouldn’t matter. We’re all in this murky, sludge of a subject as one whole.
Now let’s go forth and march to the beat of our collective and, dammit, childless drum.
And let’s push those boundaries ‘til they squeak the hell out of …
This is the sort of hassle that occurs everytime we try to leave the house for her walk. She's pulling me in any direction but the right one and I'm trying to lock the door. Be thankful we don't have audio as her bark could outdo any German Shepherd's. Gobshite is what she is, no mistake.
Bye Bye! Love you all.....
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